The Major Roadblocks To Potty Training Success

 

Hi, Jamie here. Thank you for coming in to check out this video.

OK. Let's get right to it…

The #1 thing you need to know about potty training is that it's all about you. Children don't potty train themselves. They need you to help and guide them. It's all in your commitment, attitude and consistency that will determine your child's success. We'll talk a little more about this in a minute…

First, let's address the physical and mental roadblocks that could be getting in your way. We'll take a quick look at these and then decide if what I am saying makes sense to you.

The biggest roadblocks are:

• The notion that boys are harder to train than girls
• Setting up a rewards system
• Putting the potty chair out so they can get used to it
• The Wait Until They’re Ready Theory

All right, let’s go…

Put the potty chair out so they can get used to it.

This is the most common mistake parents can make in potty training. Look, I applaud you for not sneaking up on your kid and freaking them out with the potty chair. The big toilet IS scary. It’s too big, it’s cold, it flushes. So some genius invented the little potty chair that’s just right for your child. Now, look around your house to see what your child’s been exposed to thus far. The exersaucer, the high chair, the stroller, the talking toys; the potty chair is the MOST innocuous piece of plastic in your home.

Shoot, Tickle Me Elmo is scarier than the potty chair! Would you let them play around the big toilet to get used to it. No. If you have put it out I’m sure you’ve learned that it makes an excellent crayon storage unit, matchbox car garage, hat, stroller, basketball net and is very rarely being used as a potty chair. It's a container for fecal matter. Period.

If you have put it out, I give a detailed method for remedying the situation in my book. If you haven’t put it out, don’t! Put the potty out when you are ready to start potty training. "Your pee and your poop go here.” Period.

Set up a rewards system

I’m sure you’ve heard this one. “Oh…just give her an M&M after she poops. Oh, you should get a sticker chart.” I have 2 major problems with a rewards system.

1. Quite often, in the beginning of potty training, a child will think they have to go. And they don’t. So they sit but don’t produce. Well, now what do you do? You’ve backed yourself into a corner here. Both are desirable; you want him to sit if he thinks he has to go but what if he doesn’t produce? What do you reward? And if you start rewarding just the sitting, there will be a little one who catches on REAL quick.

2. My other big problem with a rewards system is that potty training is expected behavior. If you make this into something more, so will your child.

Do you give a reward for sleeping? Nope.

Did you reward learning to walk? No! You gave verbal praise and encouragement but you didn’t give an M&M for every step they took.

Rewarding expected behavior sets up a bad pattern. Unless you’re going to be the type of parent who gives your kid $20 for every A they get…which if you are: go for it. But you’re probably not going to get a lot out of my book.

Don’t reward expected behavior. Expect it.

In my book, I outline specific tactics you can use that a more rational, gentle and have the effect of giving your child positive encouragement, pride & self-confidence without the pettiness of rewards like candy, stickers, charts.

Boys are harder to train than girls.

My biggest question is WHY? Why on Earth would this be true. Many people in my class have said “Don't girls mature faster than boys?” And yes, I think this can be true but much later in life; when they’re teenagers, girls can mature socially and emotionally faster than boys. But we’re talking about 2 year-olds here. It’s pretty much; don’t hit and please share. When I look on the playground at a bunch of 2 years, they all seem pretty much on even ground. Let’s face it; boys can pee anywhere; in the parking lot…shoot, they can pee out the car window if they have to. I don’t recommend it. But they can. So no. Boys are not harder to train than girls.
 

Wait till they’re ready

It is a biggie and I address it extensively in my book. I want to be clear that I'm not suggesting that you push your kid into something that they are not ready for.

My big question is: What does ready mean? What does ready look like to you? When I question parents on this, they usually have a pretty vague notion of what ready looks like. I have really bad news for you. Your child is not going to wake up one day and hold a sign over his head that says:

“OKAY. I’M READY. I’D LIKE TO USE THE TOILET NOW.”

Look. Nature designed our children perfectly. The proper time frame for potty training your child is between 20-30 months. This is perfect design. Your child has mastered eating. Your child has mastered walking. Your child has mastered separation anxiety. They now know that when you leave, you come back. They know and expect that you are in charge and you will keep them safe. They want to please you and make you proud.

You now have this Window of Opportunity in which potty training is the next step. If you miss this window, the next step is the beginning of a psychological process called individuation. This is when your child, for the first time perhaps, that he is his own person, separate from you. This process is marked by pushing against you, by defiance and resistance in all areas. Defiance and resistance in all areas. What that means to you is a struggle. If you try to put potty training on top of that, I can guarantee you are going to call me crying. Certainly, children start to show an interest in the toilet around 20 months. This isn’t an indicator of readiness.

I use 4 markers to gauge readiness.

1. The ABC song. Does your child have a grasp on the ABC song? I use this because your child doesn’t understand the complexity behind learning the alphabet. No, your child knows this song because you sang it 600 times. They learned it by repetition and consistency. Human beings learn new skills by repetition and consistency. I repeat. We learn by repetition and consistency.

2. Can your child communicate in any manner that they need food because they are hungry?

3. Can your child communicate in any manner that they need fluids because they are thirsty?

4. Can your child throw a tantrum for anything?

You may laugh at this but listen, a tantrum, any tantrum, is due to your child wanting something and you not giving it. It means your child is aware of his desires. If your child is capable of being aware of and acting on his bodily functions of hunger, thirst and desires then your child is capable of being aware of and acting on his bodily functions of pee and poop. Your child is ready to be potty trained.

What's next?

Remember, the #1 thing all parents need to know about potty training…

It's All About YOU…

I hope you're ready take the next step…